Meh...

Failed the maths test... When I say failed I mean it... -_-
Started watching Mirai Nikki today. Apparently it's supposed to be a very bloody anime, but it's been all romance-lovey-dovey so far. And I don't like that. I quite like the fact that Yuno's yandere though. My kind of person. Mwahahaha beware!
I'm going on a hike with my nakama this Saturday and I'm quite excited for it! I always pretend that I'm in the world of One Piece whenever I'm with them. I guess if we were all Straw Hat pirates, I would be Nami, Rosa would be Robin, Misha would be Sanji, Charlik would be Zoro and Matthew-chan would be Chopper. Maybe I should create that in photoshop! My life is sad...

Graffiti!

Today we went to this really cool bridge next to our school and took photos for art.

The notebook

Today I suddenly remembered that when I was nine years old I wrote a little "book" that consisted of three pages or so called "Guidebook: on the way to happiness". I think it would be interesting to find it know and see what I have written. I think I know where that book might be.

I felt somewhat inspired today. Inspired to create something, not knowing what to create. I took one of my notebooks that I keep; something you would call a diary. It basically consists of sketches, random thoughts in Russian and English, ideas that come to my mind randomly and other things that can only be understood by me. I've only filled ten or so pages of that notebook even though I had it since this summer. The one thing I like to do is read some of the things I have written in the past. (I guess I'm just really full of myself.) The first couple of pages of my notebook consisted of writing I couldn't even read and explainable doodles. As I tried reading those I realised that if those where ever showed to a psychiatrist I would probably be diagnosed as insane. They were written by a different person and not me. I would never want to show the things I wrote to anyone. Maybe I should just burn that book just like I burned the diary I had this summer. 

X is the same (the funniest inside joke of our maths class)

I found it sort of amusing that I got to show my blog to everyone in PSHE class today. It's funny how people think that having 9000 views is a lot.

Today I was thinking about feelings again (insert Charlie-Rosa dodgy year 7 or whatever referrence). Do I even have feelings? I doubt that. I've realised that it all feels the same to me. It's a bit like artificial smell. You can't figure out what fruit, let's say, a cream smells like until you read the label. It all feels like something annoying that I want to get rid of. Let me try explaining it to you. You? Who am I talking to anyway?

Basically, I have this theory that all feelings physically feel the same and it's just our brain that tells us that at this particular moment it is love/happiness/jealousy/etc. I've tried doing this experiment (if I can even call it that) with myself to determine if it is actually true. The other day I was with my friends and I felt genuinely happy. I took that feeling and examined it as if it was put in a laboratory test tube. I realised that if the situation, or the context if you like, was different, I could have thought that the feeling I was experiencing was actually not happiness, but fear or despair. Another thing is that when I had this massive crush on a guy in our year, it felt as if I was experiencing severe pain so I tried avoiding that person for as much as possible. Whenever I feel love, whether it comes from my family or friends, it just feels like pain and hate and it annoys me! That sounds extremely weird now that I have put it down on "paper". Come to think of it, I think I know why I get very confused between the two feelings.

[insert French teacher's quote about "la crise d'adolescence"]

All that touchy-feely talk was kind of weird. I don't like PSHE.

Today was a great day as well. We had "deep-philosophical" conversations about religion. 

David thinks I'm scary.

I have to write something but I don't know what to write about

Nothing interesting has been happening in my life lately. 

Today in English class we had to describe an feeling. I found it extremely difficult because I don't have feelings anymore. The emotion I had to describe was anger so I spent the whole lesson reading about how it feels like and how you can describe it. Matthew who sits next to me had to describe feeling crazy and I could see that he had also found it difficult. I guess it's because Matthew is the least crazy person I've ever known. 

In literature class someone mentioned something about Americans being heros and saving the world. I found it funny.

It was raining even though the sky was blue. Dasha was going on about how she wishes that we had our IGCSE exams now so that we could get them done with earlier. I replied, saying that I wish we didn't have to revise for exams and could just eat something to make us smarter.

I don't even know why I'm writing about all this... 

Sometimes when I'm on the tram on my way home I think about the possible "climax" of my life. I mean every story has a climax. Or according to English teachers, at least. There has to be a reason for all that has happened to me before, has there? The rising action builds up to the climax, they say. There is some sort of problem the protagonists have to face and solve in order to reach a resolution, right?  Sometimes I even wonder what would happen if I faced such a "problem" that can only be found in manga books. End of the world, perhaps? I then start day-dreaming about the possible "alliances" I would have with my friends and how we would defend ourselves against dark forces. 

My mind is made up of pointless bullshit.

Victory Day, my first IGCSE exam and I dyed my hair!!!

My new 'air!!! Do you like it? Do you? Do you? I know you do! Wait who am I talking to? Forever alone T_T (casually advertising my insta account hu hu hu)

It was Victory Day on Friday and it was one of these days that I would call "the best day of my life". I think that confidence was given to me by my new hair colour. Purple hair all the way!!! 

I saw some people wearing the Georgiy ribbon. I wish I had one too, but to make up for not having one Dasha and I were singing Russian military songs. At lunch time Rosa and I went to the piano room and were told to never come back there again because we broke a picture frame and made a lot of noise. I wasn't really worried about that because I don't have feelings, but Rosa, who has feelings, felt very guilty. I spent the rest of lunch with my nakama (the name I have given to my best friends after watching a lot of One Piece). 

After lunch I had my French IGCSE exam. It was a joke and we were allowed to leave an hour early because everyone had finished the paper in forty or so minutes. 

Did she just disappear?

So I was walking home one day (on Monday or Tuesday I think it was), thinking about the conversation I had with this one person. To tell you the truth, I was in this "deep-thinking" kind of mode although the conversation I was thinking about was absolutely meaningless. I was looking in front of me and I saw this woman standing on the side of the pavement. I didn't pay much attention to that until the next moment I realised that she had disappeared! But since I was in "deep-thinking" mode I didn't pay much attention to that either and carried on as if nothing has happened.