Goats in trees

Do you have any songs that like physically hurt you? Like I was listening to "Foster the People" today omggg TT__TT It made me think of Year 11 and how I used to go to the library. I had such big dreams, what happened? I remember being kinda lonely, but also really happy because (I thought) I had a big future ahead of me. I also got reallly into phan and started reading phanfiction omg those were the days. Thinking whether I still had feelings for Charlie and realising I no longer did... Also getting close to Dasha. Those meaningful conversations about the end of the world, rereading "Battle Royale" and starting my book. Yeah my book, that was a thing wow. But then discovering I have to go to public school, listening to Muse in the dark with a cup of coffee at midnight. The taste of that sandwich from the library wending machine. And how cold it was and I was wearing my yellow jacket. Waiting for the tram to come, oh how cold it was, but I felt so warm on the inside. What is grammar? English grammar? Never heard of that. Tsh what even is punctuation? I don't even know... maybe i should stop using capital letters to keep the aesthetic

He remembers looking at it when he was a little boy, finding it strangely amusing how the bulging screen distorted his bony figure, making his dark blue shorts appear several sizes bigger, increasing the gap between his lanky-looking legs. He remembers it so clearly: the scruffy armchairs with velvet cushions, the croaky parquet with missing pieces, the old particles of dust, moving around the room in a calm waltz of satisfying disorder. He remembers the stack of magazines on the wood-smelling floor and a yellowing new year’s greeting card from 1989. He remembers all the little unnoticeable details of a place, which no longer exists. Is it a memory? Nothing is happening in that still picture, but, yet, sitting in front of a black computer screen, he scents its dilapidating atmosphere once again, almost smelling its soundless serenity.

much cringe very regret

So I added a couple of people from my new school on facebook and realised... My facebook page is so cringy! 14-year-old me why why whyyyyy what's up with the "omg im so randum lolzor" posts god ugh it physically hurts!!! So yeah I spent some time deleting a couple of profile pictures because ugh why why why what was I thinking...............???
Also I'm joining a collab channel on YouTube yasss <3 can't wait ^_^ 

Still loving you

Click click click
^ co0l montage m8 8/8 lolzor!!!1!!!1!!

Never thought I'd say this but....................

I kinda miss chemistry class.
Okay okay, what I mean is we're learning about isotopes now and I did that two years ago. Two years of having those facts engraved in your mind in Mrs Lakshmi's voice! And now I'm doing it all over again. I finish the exercises given in minutes, while everyone else is confused and takes ages. Ughhh I hate being two years behind! It's the same with maths! I've done simultaneous equations in Year 10! Like, okay, it's easy, but I want to learn new things!
yeah anywayssss

Writing is killing me

           “You look kinda sad today,” the voice of the purple haired girl echoes in the two parallel worlds of mirror reflection.

            He can see it in front of him. The strange, yet familiar, sadness in his eyes. They look orange under the bright bathroom light, irises encircled by a thin trail of brown. Brown, the colour associated with the warmth of chocolate and caramel, the colour of comfort and strength, is twisted into its complete opposite by two instruments of sight. He stares. They stare back. The cold orange-tinted eyes reflect the mirror image in their glacial rigidity, distorting the transformed image into that of an infinite parallel reality. Resembling a menacing layer of ice on the still surface of bristly-cold water, the untouched worlds and speckled patterns shine from deep under the plane of the iris. Intertwined curlicues of muscle tissue form tiny notions of unexplored universes, urging to the deep well of the pupil. The well he is drawn into. The abyss that is consuming and ominously inviting. The hole he is falling in.

            What if Stephen does not care?

Why am I doing this to myself? Why? Why?
Anyway... I started school yeah it's pretty chill. I probably had the best first day experience ever because this time I actually had the confidence to enjoy myself.

Change

You know how they say that it's great to listen to the songs you've listened to when you were sad and realise how happy you are now. But can we talk about being sad and listening to the music you listened to when you were happy. Yeah it's kind of heartbreaking.
I started writing again. It's great. It's frustrating. It makes me angry, but I get extremely happy whenever I use semicolons or complicated figures of speech. It's great.

“Good luck,” Stephen laughs. A small zephyr melts the heat as transparent lace-like clouds form in the pale sky. Their shadow covers up the sunned fields of wheat, creating a moment that does not bear the definition of time. It is like the conversation is omnipresent and can be found in absolutely everything. As he walks, the grey walls of dirty mundane buildings trap him in the passage of heavy memories. Every corner pierces him, reminding him of Stephen’s distant voice. He is compressed; he is trapped. The conversation haunts him. Every little word, every sentence said, every distorted sound of the poor internet connection. It is engraved in the mundane walls and the sunned fields of wheat. It is engraved in the transparent lace-like clouds. It is engraved in him.

Man, I love it. I love writing. Doodled my OCs this morning.
Also I'm almost at 1k followers on instagram! Yas! <3
Listening to music that I used to love when I still had big dreams. The taste of coffee, fur coat, the smell of winter in the dark. It hurts a bit.