I woke up at 4 today. Totally normal!

Yay weekend! Two days of sleeping and fangirling! -_-
I wish I could always get the things I want in life. But that's not how life works, is it? Sometimes I think I should become a youtuber so that I could get tons of money from just embarrassing myself on camera. I already have a talent of embarrassing myself in public so why not film it all? I'm not being serious about it, by the way.
I wonder if I'm living my life to the fullest right now. I mean I always complain about how those who have the time and money to do all these cool things don't do anything at all. There must also be many possibilities for me that I'm not aware of, right?
I really want to go travelling. To a big city with tall tall skyscrapers and wide city squares. I think that if I lived in a big city, I would go to the centrer every day and explore every bit of it. But, would I though? The town I live in isn't that small, yet I barely go outside.
I should stop writing. I sound like a spoilt brat already. 

Dystopia

I hate being involved in problems I have nothing to do with. 

I think I'm going to drop out of school next year. Oh well... Things happen.

Sometimes I feel like our world is some kind of fictional dystopia. It's fun when you read those books about other people in a crazy made-up society, but, in real life, it's just scary. I don't know what to do, but I can't do anything because I'm not given the choice to do so. Should events I have nothing to do with dictate my life? Why am I still so young? I wish I could be independent already and control life myself. Would it be easier for me to live in a less developed country so that I could get a job early on? No that doesn't make sense... There's so much I want to achieve, but I can't. Why are people so selfish? 

I find some events in my life very ironic.

Thanks, dear diary!

The little things that make my life better

I had my German oral mock exam today. I thought I messed up because (I thought that) I spoke slowly, made long pauses and didn't know what to say. The teacher had a piece of paper in front of her and I was wondering why she wasn't writing anything down. It turned out the paper was to note the errors and I only made like three! My teacher told me that I was speaking quickly and my classmates congratulated me and said that I did very well. I was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. I didn't know I did so well! \o/

None of the maths teachers were here today so... This happened 

Ball of hate

Hello, friend! This is me!

All I do is hate people. Not people in general, but individuals. Why? That's just how I function.

I realised I started to analyse my life like cartoons in history class. It could be argued that, on a superficial level, so-and-so is responsible for the way my life is right now, however, when analysed in depth, it can be seen that, I, in fact, am responsible for my own problems. Speaking of history, I wrote the worst paper 2 ever this morning.

Money pisses me off so much! I wish it didn't exist! 

I really want to go to London this summer. I don't know where I can live though because I'm still technically a child. 

Still looking for a host-family in Berlin. 

I have a thing for big cities.

Is it normal not to have something you're passionate about? I mean I feel like I don't want to dedicate my life to one thing only or study only one thing in great depth. Is that normal? Because everyone is telling me that it's not and that you have to have at least one thing you're professional in, but there's nothing I have a desire to be professional in. I'm not an artist. Nor am I a scientist. I don't know ughhhh.... Why do people have the need to pressurise me into deciding what I want to do in the future? 

Monday tomorrow u_u

Captured the snowflakes outside
Spent yesterday designing my deviantART page. Too much HTML!!! Please check it out!
sonyash26.deviantart.com 

It's kind of snowing

Finished "Kino's Journey". The last episode... Jeez!

!¡!SPOILER ALERT!¡!

________________________

Basically, in the last episode, Kino visits a wonderful country where people are very friendly. She finds it strange because the country has a bad reputation amongst travellers; the food is known to be bad and the travellers are not treated well by the citizens. After three days, Kino, as usual, leaves the country and is woken up by a volcano eruption. She observes the country being submerged under lava, but can do nothing to help. Kino opens the letters the citizens of the country gave her and discovers that they knew there was going to be an eruption, but none of them wanted to leave since it was their home. Instead, they decided to change their attitude towards travellers so that they could be remembered.

________________________

I wonder what my life would be like if I knew that I was going to die in a couple of days. I'd probably have a list of things I want to do and no longer be afraid of anything. But then I feel guilty for saying that because there's nothing stopping me from doing all these things at this moment now. 

Nah... Even if I were to die the next day, I still wouldn't do that Biology homework. 

Idek

So Monday is over. 

I guess people are most proud of things they've never really had before but were able to achieve. 

Like if I've never had friends, I'd be really proud of the friendly relations I have with my classmates. And if I've never had the best health, I'd be the most proud of not getting sick. If I was never able to achieve the highest grade, I'd be proud of acing a test. If I've never been in a successful relationship, the biggest thing I would be proud of is finding someone I love.

When I say "proud of", I sort of mean being so satisfied with myself to the extent of always talking about it (boasting almost). 

Don't know if that makes sense. 

Ugh whatever

KagePro

Watched Mekakucity Actors all day yesterday and, to be honest, I didn't understand any of it. Every time a song would come on, I'd get goosebumps. Kagerou Project is the best!

The other day I wrote about ravens and moving swings. Déjà vu much?

Started watching Kino's Journey today and it's a-ma-zing! 

90s much heheh

I'm up to date with One Piece!!!! 

Ravens

I saw the strangest thing in literature class yesterday. There were two large ravens outside, as black as death, that were hopping around the empty primary section playground. There was absolutely no wind, but the two swings on the playground were swinging up and down as if someone was sitting on them. The two birds suddenly disappeared, but the swings would not slow down or stop moving even when the lesson ended! They just continued swinging up and down as if there was someone on them! [insert religious/spiritual quote about spirits and souls here]

High expectations?

Something that stood out to me today was the fact that there were Ukrainians on the same bus as me when I was on my way to badminton. There was a father and his two children who were speaking a mixture of Ukrainian and Russian and I found it slightly entertaining. I love it how I can sort of understand other Slavic languages without being able to speak them. Speaking of Slavs, my cousin has this festival at her school where each class has to represent some kind of Slavic nation. Her class is representing Ukraine. I wish we had that kind of stuff at my school. The closest thing we have to a festival is... Umm.... Exams

The hardest decision I have to make at the moment is whether I am going to take the Art IGCSE exam or not. I think I just have impossibly high expectations for myself. And that eventually leads to self-diappointment and, consequently, to self-hate. 

I started to wonder what it would be like if some of my classmates, including me, became political leaders in the future. I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face during a conference with, for example, Rosa. Just imagine trying to decide what to do with a certain country's future in some kind of treaty with one of your friends, constantly interrupting the conversation by yelling "uh sssanctions!!!" and laughing, falling off your chair, mumbling something incomprehensible about maths. But, on a serious note though, what would happen if a friend of mine became a nationalist dictator and I, being the glorious leader of a world superpower, had to stop them to save Europe's future? Okay I should stop... 

I have no idea what I'm doing

So I'm just... Lost
I don't know what I'm doing.
It's probably because of the art exam since, in theory, I have everything planned out, but, in reality, it just consists of, as my French teacher would say, "blah blah pour rien dire".
History class was rather entertaining today because we acted out the Yalta conference. I didn't know what to say so I just sat and watched. Some people can get on my nerves just because they are present in the room.

I started hearing bells and the top of my laptop and the piece of paper on the wall started shaking. 

Good hair day

^ title says it all \(^3^)/

Got an A* in my History mock!!! An A frickin star! It made my day!

(Physics grades don't really matter...... Riiiiiiight......? TTATT) 

I wish I lived in the world of One Piece. That's a really weeboo thing to say, but, think it about! It would be so cool to find nakama and travel the world with no money required. I could just get a boat and leave it to luck.

Poketto no coin soreto you wanna be my friend

Dasha is the best person in the world ^_^ She's one of the few people who really understands me.

I wish I wasn't forced to know certain things and get involved in things I don't want to get involved in. 

13-year-old me thought that it's better to live by only following your feelings. I wish I don't turn into that kind of person ever again. 

I am not an artist

Yesterday was a good day. Lily, Tinbite, Mickael and I went shopping and went to Frenchy's birthday party in the evening. While waiting for the bus, Tinbite and I got hit on by 12-year-old boys who only knew a couple of English words and wanted our numbers. We also witnessed a person injecting herself who got arrested at the trainstation. The day was quite eventful.

I'm still very lost in terms of the art IGCSE exam. I wish I was an arty person. Maybe I shouldn't have taken Art in the first place since I will probably not get an A* in the exam. By now my brain should, in theory, be exploding with ideas, but, in reality, the only thing I did/am planning on doing is research and planning. I don't even know what to sketch or draw. I need the Ato Ato no mi!

Tinbite asked for a tag so here it is! I have created the official Tinbite tag! 

I hate my past self

Vasjok left this morning so now I'm kind of lonely.

Yesterday evening we had our last conversation and talked about many different things. I hope she will use my amazingly successful love advice since, you know, I'm amazing at love confessions and all. 

Vasjok absolutely loves reading my old magazines, but the thing is that they are on the same shelf as all of my past diaries and notebooks. I told her that she can read any of them since I've changed a lot over the last couple of years, but letting another person read my past-self's thoughts was harder than I thought. I spent the rest of the evening cringing over what I've written when I was about nine. Back then I must've thought I was this cool popular kid, but when I look at the ideas I had back then I just want to live the rest of life in a dark corner, shamefully cringing over my past self. 

I had a go at re-reading the diary (which I posted about ages ago) I had in 4th Grade and I have to admit I wasn't so bad at story writing back then. I wrote this whole story about a boy called Timophey who lived in the country and had purple eyes because he was some sort of angel or something. Yes, I admit, the plot is terrible, but it all flows unlike my writing now. I had to describe a boy who was walking to school at a snail's pace in English class today and, to my embarrassment, had to read it out loud. Where did my good writing skills disappear off to? 9-year-old me, teach me your ways!

Also, Dasha, Vasjok and I went to Starbucks yesterday and the two of them bonded against me! It all turned into a conversation about how stupid and how much of an idiot I am. Ah, how much I love Dasha! 

The end is near

Well that was a dramatic title. I wanted to call this post "end of holiday" but Rosa came to the conclusion that I'm all mysterious so there.... Dramatic title!

I'm stuck in the mountains until Thursday so I didn't go to school today. 

Remembered it was Christmas Eve a few minutes ago. Good thing I don't do Christmas.

I want to travel. I keep in thinking about it. I really really want to travel. 

It's a good thing that the school year is almost over (relatively). I can now concentrate on exams only and spend the rest of my nights at the library without worrying about my lack of social life.

Visited this really cute village in the mountains under the name of Chamonix. There were so many Russians, I couldn't feel all bilingual and unique. Eventually, everyone will become one with Russia. Ah Hetalia... 

Will be at school on Thursday. I don't even know if it will be worth going there. I shouldn't say that since I just had a conversation with someone about being grateful.

Premium Membership!!!

So I've been exploring all the cool features premium deviants have on deviantART and customising my page. Check it out!!! I made these cool button things with CSS (or HTML or whatever it's called) and I kinda feel like some sort of programmer. Heheheh...

Click me!

Anyways...

Vasjok's skiing and most of the snow has melted and been washed away by the rain. Oh well.

I started working on my Art exam. Well, kind of. Being the smart person I am, I didn't bring any art supplies with me to the mountains.
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New Year yayyyy

So I celebrated New Year a couple of da... yesterday actually. It was a lot of fun since my cousin was there. She told me all those cool stories about her school. So much drama! My school is so boring compared to hers. Everyone in my class is so mature -_- She told me that a teacher threw (literally threw) one of the students outside because he swore at her! I guess it's a good thing that this doesn't happen at my school, but I wouldn't be complaining if it did =P
Here's a cute pic of us <3

P.S. I got deviantART premium membreship!!! sonyash26.deviantart.com