It's all about us all about us we'll run away if we must cause you know oooooo

I don't even know what this is going to be about.

I remember about a week ago I was walking home listening to that one song and I heard... hope...? Like I just felt the exact same feeling I felt when I first heard it. Yeah this blog is just me being like "oh that song the feels wow much emotion lol". 

But seriously it hurts like a bitch because the one time I actually thought this was leading somewhere it turned out I was simply being stupid and delusional why why ughhh........

I didn't know "Map of the Problematique" was written about me.

The other day I was told that I became vulnerable because before I was always like "lol I don't have feelings" but now I get upset over the smallest things. It will be over soon 

Dasha came over yesterday. We had a lovely talk about depression. What is she? You know, after moments like these I don't want to live any more. Life seems too ordinary and simple. It's like I don't want to go back, you know. Dasha said she no longer listens to music. I force myself to listen to music to distract myself but it's not helping much i guess

Un-buh-lievable

^ Natalie Tran anyone...?

So you know how we all have this one thing we just can't wrap our minds around. Like some people can't understand the concept of death or birth. I've heard some say that the concept of seeing someone who is dead on a photo really confuses them. And it's not that they can't comprehend death, it's just the thought and the realisation that that person is dead now... (My talents include starting a sentence and not being able to finish it, noice.) Yeah that realisation like woah this is some next level shit right 'ere! Okay I literally can't explain a thing. Let's start again.

So I just can't wrap my head around the fact that when I started school (2005 wowza) there was no one who was born past the year 2000. And now only a small portion (senior year) of students who go there were born before that. Like what. What. No but think about it. When I was 6 in my first year of school I was the youngest one. I enjoyed life, learnt my addition and subtraction, read my fairytales... And meanwhile someone was 16. Someone was going through the things I'm going through now. Mind blown. No but like I can't comprehend this........ 

Went for a run today woah much sports very exercise

"It's so nice to see a smile on your face!"

yh a fake one lol

*sniff sniff*

So I haven't posted anything in October oops :/ A lot of things happened in October and a lot of things didn't. There was half-term break, I met up with Franny after two years! It was really great and we went to Hugo Boss to recreate the photo we took in 7th Grade. 

Also I made this masterpiece:

basically this is how normal people stay happy

 this is me:

Um yeah...
Also since this blog is like a character development/self discovery kinda thing, I guess I should write about this here. I'm now an extrovert. Wowww.... Well if you ask me how on earth that happened, here's the thing, it's my defence mechanism. Basically I realised that I charge my energy by being around people rather than being by myself. So, for example, in the past, when I hang out with my friends on Friday, I needed to stay home on Saturday to recharge. Now I'm the complete opposite and find being alone really tiring. But here's the thing okay okay listen 'ere. It's not because I worked on myself and faced my problems as a former introvert. Nuh-uh. The thing is, I love being around people because it distracts me from my problems. When I'm by myself I can't escape the unpleasant things I have to face/solve/deal with, but when I'm around people I forget and feel a lot happier. For example, let's say I have an English essay to write for Monday. If I'm at home by myself, I'll have to do it or face the "harsh reality" of doing it. But then - ooo, brilliant idea! - I invite my friends over so that I'm "busy" and there is no possibility of me having to write it. Is the essay gonna write by itself though? No. Yeah idek....
This post was so disgustingly self-centred wow.
so yeah because of my extroverted-ness I'm lonely af halp I need people please invite me to a party or something so I can forget about life