i think i'll delete this blog

dunno why but i like suddenly remembered about this blog today and was like shiiit there's so much on here like it's literally my life ever since i was 11 woah
so yeah there's so much info idk i just thought about it
so maybe i'll delete this some time but on the other hand im kinda sentimental about it lol oh well

gotta keep posting or i'll abandon this again

so speaking of year 10 nostalgia, i got a very interesting parcel in the mail the other day. like it was a cardboard box with my name on it and i was like hmm i didnt order anything..?.?? inside the parcel there was a yearbook from 2013-14! with photos of me and ma gang from yr 10 woww like why now?
anyway i looked at the photos like aw we were all so smol and then i like thought about everything back from that time period lol woww i mean yhh i kinda miss it i guess
hearing about the shooting in orlando made me sick and these fuckers wanna blame everything on muslims like bitch fix those fucking gun laws
i had a history exam on monday and it went so well!!!11?.,,?!!!,.1? like i just spoke for 10 mins str8 and my teacher didnt even correct me or ask questions. im still not over it like im so fckn happy! <333
my life is finally starting to get back on track. it's weird. i dont know if i like it or not. like i think i do enjoy life atm but im convincing myself that i dont bc dasha doesnt and i feel kinda bad and guilty even tho it's not my fault. i feel like everything is gonna be uphill from now on and i feel... good. like i kno what im doing and what i want to do l8r and idk it's nice ^_^

long time no see woah

yasmin messaged me yesterday and i was like holyy shittt bc like i dont even know where to start. my life is so different from what it was a year ago.
i went to a music festival yesterday and it was gr8. dancing is so liberating! i think i should take up dancing classes or sth bc it feels rly good))
after the festival sara and i went for a drink and talked about life and she said that she misses having a group of friends. and i was like gurl same bc now i have a lot of friends but like separate friends. it would be cool to have your own "clique" and hang out all together. i dont remember when i last had a "clique". like last year it was SVC but that didnt last long. i guess in year 10 i had a group but at times i rly felt like i didnt belong there oh well. but yh it would be cool to have a circle of friends who you're always with.
speaking of my past groups of friends, i decided to have a look at what i posted exactly a year ago/two years ago  and oh my gahd

30th of May 2015:
Another thing, a guy was hitting on me yesterday and he said "hey, nice socks, are you emo?". So, yeah, I managed to look emo without even listening to MCR. BMTH is amazing, by the way!!!
ffs whyyyy??
but hey there's worse. prepare for the ultimate cringe

22nd of May 2014:
Started watching Mirai Nikki today. Apparently it's supposed to be a very bloody anime, but it's been all romance-lovey-dovey so far. And I don't like that. I quite like the fact that Yuno's yandere though. My kind of person. Mwahahaha beware!
I'm going on a hike with my nakama this Saturday and I'm quite excited for it! I always pretend that I'm in the world of One Piece whenever I'm with them. I guess if we were all Straw Hat pirates, I would be Nami, Rosa would be Robin, Misha would be Sanji, Charlik would be Zoro and Matthew-chan would be Chopper. Maybe I should create that in photoshop! My life is sad...
fcking weaboo yes your life is sad

im probably still as cringy but hey im improving kay

holy fcking shit you guys

so... when did i last post? like november?? my last post is so depressing like wow whyy..? weird :/

anyways..... as you can imagine, so many things have changed. the reason i logged onto this blog today is bc i was feeling kinda nostalgic about last year (oh god here i go again). so much has changed! everything is so different nowadays! (no shit but really.) this time last year i was doing my igcse exams, complaining about life, listening to weird emo music, reading fanfiction, feeling very fucking heartbroken lololol oh my xD i mean i still complain about life, but oh man. it's amazing what a simple 12 months can do to you.

i still havent figured out what i wanna do with my life. maybe drop out of school? who knows. ive been realllly into politics lately. like fuckk i just love politics. and history. and politics. like it's taken over my life haha))) like wow last year i was this girl obsessing over youtubers, but now im known for having a poster of khodorkovsky in my room and strange surkov sketches.... what am i becoming?) 

It's all about us all about us we'll run away if we must cause you know oooooo

I don't even know what this is going to be about.

I remember about a week ago I was walking home listening to that one song and I heard... hope...? Like I just felt the exact same feeling I felt when I first heard it. Yeah this blog is just me being like "oh that song the feels wow much emotion lol". 

But seriously it hurts like a bitch because the one time I actually thought this was leading somewhere it turned out I was simply being stupid and delusional why why ughhh........

I didn't know "Map of the Problematique" was written about me.

The other day I was told that I became vulnerable because before I was always like "lol I don't have feelings" but now I get upset over the smallest things. It will be over soon 

Dasha came over yesterday. We had a lovely talk about depression. What is she? You know, after moments like these I don't want to live any more. Life seems too ordinary and simple. It's like I don't want to go back, you know. Dasha said she no longer listens to music. I force myself to listen to music to distract myself but it's not helping much i guess

Un-buh-lievable

^ Natalie Tran anyone...?

So you know how we all have this one thing we just can't wrap our minds around. Like some people can't understand the concept of death or birth. I've heard some say that the concept of seeing someone who is dead on a photo really confuses them. And it's not that they can't comprehend death, it's just the thought and the realisation that that person is dead now... (My talents include starting a sentence and not being able to finish it, noice.) Yeah that realisation like woah this is some next level shit right 'ere! Okay I literally can't explain a thing. Let's start again.

So I just can't wrap my head around the fact that when I started school (2005 wowza) there was no one who was born past the year 2000. And now only a small portion (senior year) of students who go there were born before that. Like what. What. No but think about it. When I was 6 in my first year of school I was the youngest one. I enjoyed life, learnt my addition and subtraction, read my fairytales... And meanwhile someone was 16. Someone was going through the things I'm going through now. Mind blown. No but like I can't comprehend this........ 

Went for a run today woah much sports very exercise

"It's so nice to see a smile on your face!"

yh a fake one lol