Tears

I don't know who's going to be reading this. I have too much in me now and I can't keep it that way. I have to express it somehow.

Sunday was a beautiful day. The wind was cold, but overall the weather was great.
Mum, Dad and me went to the lake. It was so great two have both of them close to me. I would get the feeling of having a perfect family again. All of us got along so well. We would talk, laugh and discuss things.
After walking along the right side of the lake, we took a boat and crossed to the opposite one. We decided to go to a restaurant in the city centre.
I was very happy.
All of a sudden Mum and Dad started arguing. I don't even know how it started. We were just talking peacefully and it just happened... I didn't want to be involved so I plugged my earphones in and stated listening to Vocaloid. I made the music so loud I couldn't hear anything else.
The song I was listening to ('Last night, good night' by Kaito) ended, I brought my eyes up and saw mum shouting at dad. She got up and left. She was calling for me, but I didn't know what to do. My mouth was open and I took my earphones out.
Dad and I were walking home. Mum was infront of us as if we were not related. It was windy, but I didn't even zip my jacket up. I didn't feel the cold. I felt like the only person in the world.
I was happy to be home. I was looking forward to showing Dad Joe Hisaishi's music, but I didn't have the opportunity to. As soon as we got home, he packed his stuff and shut the front door behind him. I opened it and stood there looking at him, not knowing what to do. Mum ran out and tried opening the elevator door (at our house the elevator has a door with a handle), but it was too late. She put her boots on and ran outside.
I dropped onto my bed and allowed myself to take a deep breath. I let out a loud cry from the deep of my soul. I couldn't understand what was going on with me. My upper lip was shaking and vibrating. I could not know wheather I had sweat or tears on my face. My cries were echoing in the empty appartment.
I sat up and put my arms around my legs. It might have been 5 mins, but to me the moment lasted for ages. I knew that he was never coming back.
I was right.
The door bell rang and I saw Mum at the door. She told me that she was running after him till the end of the street, begging him to stay.
I spent the rest of the evening downloading and listening to music. Mum was crying in her bed.

This morning I did't feel like doing sports. The coaches got mad at me and accused me for not checking my schedule and stuff..... I told them that I couldn't do it. They got even angrier and started talking about me in third person as if I was no where around. If they have the authority, the shouldn't be rude.
In English class, I was very thankful that Miss Manchala let me write the essay for tomorrow, but that's a different story.

When I came home I started doing my English work right away. In two hours I've only done 200 words. None of it made sense because I would always get distracted. At the end, my dad called me on skype. I got very  sad and started crying again. I did not finish it...

THE worst day ever

If last week was the best week of the school year, yesterday was probably the worst day of my life. It was also Pongal and Makar Sankrati in India.
I was very excited on my way to school, but then, I realised that the first period was sports. Last week sports was fun, but this week it was the opposite. We had to do what they call "gymnastics". It's basically front rolls, back rolls, cartwheels, etc. I can not do any of these so the coach was lecturing me about how imortant it is to make decisions in life. "If you have a difficulty in your life are you gonna ignore it?" My response to his lecturing was "Well, there's life and there's sports class. It's different, you see?"
The day before yesterday Yaz and I were preparing for the following day. In our minds we were practising the whole day. I even packed myself a picnic lunch. We also took hair pins, so we could open locked doors as they do in movies.
We checked the music rooms, but all of them were locked. So, we went to the auditorium and realised that both doors were locked. We tried using hair pins. It doesn't work in real life, trust me! We wanted to "break in", but instead we "broke". I mean that instead of opening the door, the pin got stuck in the key hole. We took in out, but some of the paint stayed inside.
We didn't give up and tried opening the fire escape door. To our surprise it was locked and there wasn't even a door knob you could hold on to.
So we went back to class. And guess what class it was? It was English!!! The worst subject in the world!!! Yasmin and I sat together (even though our teacher gets mad at us when we do). I guess we made her happy by wishing her a happy Pongal.
English was meant to be for studying for the vocabulary test we were going to have later that day. I knew most of the words and could easily guess the meanings of those I didn't know. So Yaz and I started preparing for our duet rehearsal. We also doodled in our agendas.
The next thing was history. Yasmin asked Mr Woodbridge if he can let us practise during history. He agreed, but Mme Roussel, my history teacher, didn't.
At lunch, we checked the music rooms once again, but all of them were occupied. We wanted to see the security guard (we call him The Dog) to ask him if he has the keys to the auditorium. He said he didn't. The one who had the keys was this mean guy who we didn't want to talk to.
So we checked the music rooms over and over again, but the people wouldn't leave. We even checked the changing room, but it was locked.
So, disappointed, I went to get hot lunch and got this pumpkin thing (whatever that was) on my dress!
Furious, we ran outside, shouting that we were depressed. Luckily for us, the music rooms were free. We came in and started singing the song we are going to do for Ammy. We did quite well, but our voices weren't the best.
Since we missed homeroom, the next thing we had was languages. I had a German test that I didn't know about!!! How could that day get any worse? The teacher corrected the test straight away. I got a B.
After German, we had English (AGAIN!). This time Ms Manchala didn't allow us to sit together (sad face...). Yasmin told me that she failed the test. I think I did quite well (at least I didn't fail).
Yasmin borrowed her mum's phone for the day. It had the school wifi code in it, so we could use it to go on youtube and listen to the song we were practising. Yasmin never brings any electronics to school so she's not quite used to carrying it around.
Last recess we wanted to go to the music room because during Period 8 we had to sing the song to our music teacher. On our way out we forgot to take our jackets, so we camу back inside for them. Yasmin doesn't have pockets, so she had her mum's phone in her hand. She didn't notice Mr Barrow (the main "phone-confiscator" of the school) standing by. He told Yasmin that she will get it confiscated. We started telling him that it wasn't her phone and that she couldn't give it to him. He accused us for arguing and sent us to what we call "Alice's Wonderland" (the discipline office).
Alice there, talking to two boys, while pictures of little kids appeared on the screen of his computer. We stood there for at least 20 mins. At last, he let us come in.
We kept telling him that Yasmin needed the phone, but he wouldn't let us speak. His face was bright pink. He was shaking.
We were trying to sound as calm and as polite as possible.
"WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING AT ME?" screamed Alice. "I'M NOT SHOUTING AT YOU!"
There was nothing we could do, but apologise. He was the one shouting, not us, but he wasn't even listening to us!
"YOU WON'T LET ME TALK!" interrupted Alice. In reality, it was the opposite. He was the one not letting us talk.
He told us to get out and keep the phone in a very rude way, accusing us for being disrespectful.
On our way to class we saw Mrs Gilbert looking for us. She was very angry and asked us where we were.
During the rehearsal we were almost crying. It wasn't my best singing since my throat was dry.
Next step was maths class. As we rushed to class, we shouted how depressed we are, scaring the people around us. And then it hit us.... We had to bring a ruler, a compass and a protractor. We had neither of these things, so we could not do anything...

Moral: do not celebrate Indian festivals!

Meh.....

School started sooner than I expected it to. It was the first time I didn't go to Moscow for New Year. New Year, itself, was probably the most boring one for me. None of my relatives were there and I was in my room, writing in my "diary" about how sad I am to be without them. The day after the catholic christmas I went to Yasmin's house. We stayed up for more than 24 hours and felt very bad afterwards.
That sums up my vacation.......

The first week of school was the best week of school I ever had. I didn't have any homework and Yaz and I had the best time ever.
Yesterday we went to the cinema and watched "Life of Pi", but that deserves a separate blog post.

More snow

The snow melted by the end of the day and the next morning was completely dry.
Friday. The long bus ride. Listening to music. There's no snow left. It seems like it's fall again.
It starts snowing by the time I get to school. The snow isn't wet. It doesn't melt by the time it gets to the ground. It just lies there. It doesn't stop snowing. Slowly, everything around us turns white. I get out of my art class. wishing it never snowed. Wishing for it to be summer again.
They call this "extreme weather". The after school buses are cancelled. So is Simply Theatre. I go to Yasmin's house. We watch Silent Hill till midnight and go to sleep late.
We have to go back to school at 10 to practise for Ammy. Tired, we get up. Our voices are tired too. We can't control them and sound horrible. Being good singers we're embarrassed and loose all our confidence.
I go home on Saturday at 4 o'clock and fall asleep immediately. Having 18 hours of sleep (like a cat! nyan! ^_^) I get up and do my homework...
PS We got our class photos.... Our class is full of ugly people... Zoum! XD Aaaand I'm on honours! When Mr Gilbert  gave the certificates out to us, he said "And the troublesome twins..." (meaning me and Yaz). And we said "We're not troublesome! We're evil!" ZOUM!

Shopping and Twilight

Yesterday, Franny, Carolina, Emma, Paulina, Ximena and me went to the cinema to watch Twilight.
I ran out of my house to get to the tram, but as soon as I got to the tram stop it left. The next tram was only coming in 6 minutes. At first I decided to wait, but I ended up running to the train station. Franny and Carolina said that they were at Starbucks. Since they weren't there I went inside the train station. Franny called me and we, finally, met up.
The rest of our friends were already at Balexert, buying tickets. I was all excited about it. (Whenever I go to the cinema at Balexert I just can't stop thinking about that time I went there with Peter, even though it was such a long time ago...) I got nachos and a slushy. Yum yum!!!
The movie was.... I don't know how to describe it properly... I was waiting for something to happen, but nothing really did... At some moments I just didn't understand what was going on because some of it was all so fast and unexpected and not at all linked to the story. The fights weren't at all realistic. The characters didn't act at all. You just couldn't tell if the main character Bella was sad or happy or depressed because she had the same face on all the time. The story was complicated. Sometimes there was too much action that you just couldn't keep track of it. And sometimes there was no action at all and it was boring.
The movie messed up my good mood and by the time we went shopping I just wanted to go home. While Carolina and Franny were at the makeup store, I was on my own outside. I didn't feel like looking at all the lotions and masks and perfume bottles. I started getting bored so I decided to get to the book store. On my way there I stopped and thought carefully about what I was doing. I thought about them looking for me and getting worried because they wouldn't find me. I thought that it wouldn't be at all nice to leave them there. I thought that they actually cared about me and I only cared about myself. I ended up thinking that I was selfish so I went back, finding Franny looking for me.
 After that, all of us went to Clair's. I wondered there for a while and came up with a conclusion that none of it was interesting  to me. So I went outside again. Before I knew what I was doing I found myself walking to the book store. I stopped myself once again. And thought about it all. I decided not to go there.
After about 30 mins Franny walked out of Clair's and started calling me. I could see her, but she couldn't see me. Slowly, I made my way towards her.
Franny and all the rest of us went to Lush. Less than a minute after I sneaked away with Carolina. We ended up at the stationary shop looking at post cards and pens. There was a very cute purple post card with two owls on it. It said "Special friend" on it. I wanted to buy it, but then I thought, who I should give it to, and not finding such person, put it back on the shelf.
Franny found us quickly. After going to the CASA store (where they sell things you can decorate your house with) I, finally had a chance to go to the book shop.
I spent a lot of time looking for Enligh books. When I found them I realised that almost all of them were fiction books. Since I don't really like fiction I decided to go and look at the manga books near by. At least a quarter of them were Hentai (pornography) and the rest were the ones with strange characters (like Naruto). I didn't find anything I knew. I gave up my hope on finding a good book so I went to look at the DVDs. I ended up going outside, stalking Franny and Carolina who were looking for me, thinking why I'm treating them that way.
I went home, very tired. I didn't buy anything while the others bought loads. Weird...

I miss Yasmin...

It's Yasmin's third week off school... I miss her a lot. She's not a popular person, but a lot people miss her. I dream about her coming back to school and text her 24/7.
Her absence made me closer to Carolina. I never talked to her before. She turned out to be very nice and not at all childish as I thought she would be. She acts and does things that any teenage girl would do. I think it's just her appearance that made me think of her character the wrong way.

It was my French teacher's last day yesterday. I think I'm actually gona miss her. She was my first and only NORMAL french teacher so far. Usually the frenchies have a very weird behaviour and way of teaching. They're always too obsessed with their job that it seems like they have no other interest in life. I wonder how our new teacher's going to be.

And Yasmin's still not there... I don't know where she is! Help me!!!

I had Simply Theatre today. It wasn't fun without Yasmin... I need her!!! I don't know why, but when I'm at Simply I just start to act like a misanthrope thinking about how dumb and annoying people are. And I end up in a very very bad mood so I look like I'm just shy or something. But in reality I just have this "oh, screw that!" mood and so I just stand there in the corner because I can't be bothered to listen to anyone (not because I'm shy). We were also singing there. I couldn't do any of the songs because they were all too high for my voice. So when I started singing I sounded like a bumble bee...

I miss Yasmin..... ((((((( Saaad faaace!!!! (((((

Just a day at school

First recess. I take out my phone to check if I missed anything from Yasmin. Nothing. I go to the Grenier and check the phone again. Terrible news. I can’t believe it at first. Staring at the screen. Speechless.

Call me

I put the volume up so I can hear her call.

First minute of German class. My phone rings. I get up and go out of class. It’s Yasmin. I lose all my strength at collapse to the bench. Full of anger. No. Fear. I get up and lean against the wall. Tears running down my face. I can’t stop them. I want to “close up” and hide from the world. My hand covering my mouth.

Kopatytch is staring at me in a weird way, walking from side to side. I sit on the stairs, focusing my eyes on the floor, phone to my cheek. I see shoes. Black ones. He taps me on the shoulder. Points at the door. Feeling-less thing. No phones allowed.

I go outside. Stand a little. Yasmin close to me. Salad Fingers walking in circles around me. Ugly, motionless face. I put my phone down. He looks at me. Emotionless voice talking to me.

Here, in reality, she’s not your Grandma. Go to your class. Test. Phone will be confiscated.

I can’t concentrate on what he’s saying. I can only hear meaningless words.

Back to German class. The longest 10 minutes of my life.

5 minute break. Run to Grenier. Feel blind without my glasses on. Buy a carambar, even though I have 2 francs left. Run back.

Lunch. Not hungry at all. Niko asks me if I’m okay. I don’t know why but sometimes such small things can cheer you up. My tears are dried up. I run to the metal stairs. No need for a jacket. I climb to the very top. Shivering. Staring at the screen of my phone, motionless.

Call mum. She will pick me up in an hour. That’s when homeroom starts.

Go to the bathroom. Stare at the mirror. Is this really me? Pale. As white as paper. Red eyes. I wash my cold hands with hot water. Carolina and Franny walk in. I say I have to go and rush out of there. Alice catches me. Pink face. Suspicious look. I talk to him with no emotions. Monotone voice, cold face.

The bell rings. Everyone rushes. I stand in front of the Mont Blanc. Not moving a muscle. Emma’s there. She gives me a hug and says she’s sorry. I see Franny. Tears running down her cheeks. She asks when did it happen and goes away.

I sit on the train. Blanc. Speechless.

The first exam

I remember last year our first exam was history too. It was morning and the sun was shining. Many people were crowded in the hallway, chatting nervously. I was nervous too because it was the first exam I had in my life. I don't know why, but tight after the exam when we were allowed to go to the bathroom everybody went. Many girls, sixth, seventh and eighth graders, just stood there talking. Later, Franny gave me a note from Peter that I no longer have. Then we were called to class and I don't remember what happened next.
This year it's different. The rain outside gives you the feeling of afternoon and not morning. Of course there are people in hallway, but the atmosphere is different. There isn't a huge line to the bathroom and the only people there are 7th graders. We laugh with Franny and Jack during the revision period. None of us actually know what we're doing. We should be studying, but all these names and dates to remember just seem funny to us.
The exam starts. I quickly look through it and find a huge text on one of the pages. That just gets me nervous, but when I find out that many questions are multiple-choice I calm down again. I like those types of questions because at least you can guess.
I take out my lucky pin that I brought with me last year. It's a shiny bee with silver wings and a golden body. Suddenly I think of 6th grade again, I think about all my friends that left. I wish they were here with me. Katja, Peter... Even Tess, Liinu and Ali. And maybe even Raul. There's something about these people that left that no one else can replace.
Anyways, the exam went well. It wasn't easy and it wasn't hard. There were some bits I struggled with, but some were very easy. It was nothing like the exam we had last year, but it doesn't mean it was worse than that.
Tomorrow it's our English exam. So wish me good luck!

I miss something

Yesterday in German class I felt really bad. Not because I was sick. Something inside me was making me cry. I don't even know why.
You know that when you miss something there's this feeling in your soul that brings water to your eyes. You feel like you've been scratched inside, as if someone was pulling you. I had this feeling for no reason. Nothing was wrong but I felt like I was missing something (or maybe someone) I really love. I thought of places and people without who I would normally feel lonely, but none of them were the actual reason.

Why???

School starts tomorrow...

I didn't write anything during my vacation. My cousin came for a week. We had a lot of fun. We went for walks and trips together, made up silly jokes and chewed gum. After all the fun we had I can't imagine myself sitting in class and being serious. I feel so sorry for her, though. She told me about her school and her school sounds awful, trust me.

So let me tell you everything about my vacation.

It started raining the day Nastja and Vasjok came here. It was very cold. The next day we (my cousin and I) went for a walk to see the "big chair" in front of the UN building.

After all of us travelled to Chateau de Chillon. Vasjok and I already visited the place so we decided to explore it on our own. The adults were left behind, studying everything with great interest while we went ghost haunting. Here are some pictures and a video I made:

Having fun on the train!!!

So scary....

Creepy

Beautiful!

Then we decided to have a fashion show and took pictures of ourselves (the pictures are done using piZap). Here they are:

Trust me, we had a lot of fun! You don't believe me? Here you go:

ROFLOL

IT'S NOT POSSIBLE TO GO TO SCHOOL AFTER ALL THIS!!! WHY DID VACATION END???

Mysteries...

Hi, Franny! No I definitely know that you are Camillia. Be careful when you want to stay anonymous!

Remember the story I wrote? Now listen to this. In English class we read them out and everyone gave us a grade out of 10. The story with the best grades would get a certificate (I mean the person who wrote it). Most of the class gave me a 6/10. I was about to exclaim "What?" when I saw that nobody gave me a 100%. Someone wrote that they didn't understand it and that it was too long. Come on! The maximum was 3 pages and I wrote 2 and a half. Didn't understand it? Your problem! Go back to 6th grade! Sometimes I really have a feeling that, either, all my classmates are stupid, or I'm smarter than everyone else. Yasmin got the same grade as Gabriel. I gave her 8/10 and him 5/10. Big difference!
I'm furious!

Peter! I love reading your comments!!! Thanks for cheering me up!

Nooooo + some replies

Noooo! My ipod broke!!!! NOOOO!!! ;-(((((( My cute little ipod nano broke! NOOOOO!!!

Today I saw these comments on my blog:

Hi my name is Sovasikanikuagalita,
And you only have caviar once a year. It isn't that expensive.
Oh what a glorious life glamourous.
Rich posh and everything. Definetly jealous.
But other than that i like some of ur creations

My reply: Hey, Sovasikanikuagalita! Isn't your real name Francesca? I don't only have caviar once a year. It's just a tradition to get lots of caviar on New Years. But I don't like caviar anyways, so I don't have it in my house most of the time. Thank you.

u don't have to change to be someones friend, u just have to stay the way u are. thus what makes friends friends- people accepting each other just the way they are and not just better. and u said that u want your friends top change so to become like u and u also said that u would not change to become somebody else which is kinda unfair to your friend. so here is my advise- act normal with your friends

My reply: Hey, Sovasikanikuagalita (I actually got to pronounce your name). I also said that I would change if I want to. For example, I changed to be Franny's BFF because she is a friend I would want to be like. Friends are made to teach you how to live and help you to chose your personal character. Yasmin, who's kind of a friend to me, is weird (in a bad way) so I don't want to change to be like her even though she's my friend. And... You can't act normal to your friends. There's no normal acting in life. When you're young you don't quite know your personality yet, so you act very different to different people. For example, I act in a most adequate way to my mum, my grandma, my cousin and my BFF since I trust them and I know that if I do something they won't laugh at me and will understand me if I get into a problematic situation.

So that's it for today, I guess. Thanks for the comments (even though all these comments were from one person).
And some more sad faces:
;-( :-( ;-( :-( ;-( :-( ;-( :-(