Un-buh-lievable

^ Natalie Tran anyone...?

So you know how we all have this one thing we just can't wrap our minds around. Like some people can't understand the concept of death or birth. I've heard some say that the concept of seeing someone who is dead on a photo really confuses them. And it's not that they can't comprehend death, it's just the thought and the realisation that that person is dead now... (My talents include starting a sentence and not being able to finish it, noice.) Yeah that realisation like woah this is some next level shit right 'ere! Okay I literally can't explain a thing. Let's start again.

So I just can't wrap my head around the fact that when I started school (2005 wowza) there was no one who was born past the year 2000. And now only a small portion (senior year) of students who go there were born before that. Like what. What. No but think about it. When I was 6 in my first year of school I was the youngest one. I enjoyed life, learnt my addition and subtraction, read my fairytales... And meanwhile someone was 16. Someone was going through the things I'm going through now. Mind blown. No but like I can't comprehend this........ 

Absolution

I fell asleep under the stars last night which was great. I was listening to "spacy" music, while looking at the stars and it was amazing. Normally, I would spend these kind of moments thinking about life, but yesterday I realised that I don't really have anything to think about anymore. I mean ever since I wrote my book, I just can't think! Maybe it's because I'm happy. 

Mushi-shi what

I'm on episode 4 of Mushi-shi and I don't even know what it's about. The setting is awesome, but the story is kind of pointless. It seems like the kind of anime that teaches you morals in peculiar metaphors of Japanese wisdom, but... This doesn't really have anything that I could take away from it. Basically, here's a list of things I've learnt from Mushi-shi:

1. You will die if you cut your pillow

2. If you can't hear, pour water into your ear because that will kill the Mushi

I don't know whether I should stop watching it. 

I also started watching High school of the Dead. Yay zombies! I learnt so many useful things from that anime, like the fact that bouncing boobs make a sound! The more you know! *sarcasm*

In all seriousness though, I started to wonder what would actually happen if there was a war. Really, what would happen? 

It's been a year

It's hard to imagine that the opening ceremony of the Sochi Olympic Games took place about this day exactly a year ago! So much has changed since!

There was no war in Ukraine and no one quite knew what and where Crimea is. Both Russia and Ukraine were seen so differently in the eyes of the world back then...

So much has changed in my life as well. I remember we had P.E. a couple of days before/after the Olympics started and I was sick so I didn't go. Dasha went to the dentist's and came late so she also stayed in the classroom with me. Charlie was also there and the three of us drew all over the board and laughed about Lenin or something... I think I still have a picture of those drawings somewhere. 

My god!!! AHHHH!!!! I found the picture! What the actual f@#k hahahaha

Anyways...

On the day of the opening ceremony, my maths teacher told me off for wearing a hat that said "Russia" on it to class. I found that incredibly funny.  

I wonder where I will be on this exact day next year. Who will I consider my close friends? How different will my life be?

That was deep...

I woke up at 4 today. Totally normal!

Yay weekend! Two days of sleeping and fangirling! -_-
I wish I could always get the things I want in life. But that's not how life works, is it? Sometimes I think I should become a youtuber so that I could get tons of money from just embarrassing myself on camera. I already have a talent of embarrassing myself in public so why not film it all? I'm not being serious about it, by the way.
I wonder if I'm living my life to the fullest right now. I mean I always complain about how those who have the time and money to do all these cool things don't do anything at all. There must also be many possibilities for me that I'm not aware of, right?
I really want to go travelling. To a big city with tall tall skyscrapers and wide city squares. I think that if I lived in a big city, I would go to the centrer every day and explore every bit of it. But, would I though? The town I live in isn't that small, yet I barely go outside.
I should stop writing. I sound like a spoilt brat already. 

Dystopia

I hate being involved in problems I have nothing to do with. 

I think I'm going to drop out of school next year. Oh well... Things happen.

Sometimes I feel like our world is some kind of fictional dystopia. It's fun when you read those books about other people in a crazy made-up society, but, in real life, it's just scary. I don't know what to do, but I can't do anything because I'm not given the choice to do so. Should events I have nothing to do with dictate my life? Why am I still so young? I wish I could be independent already and control life myself. Would it be easier for me to live in a less developed country so that I could get a job early on? No that doesn't make sense... There's so much I want to achieve, but I can't. Why are people so selfish? 

I find some events in my life very ironic.

Thanks, dear diary!

Ball of hate

Hello, friend! This is me!

All I do is hate people. Not people in general, but individuals. Why? That's just how I function.

I realised I started to analyse my life like cartoons in history class. It could be argued that, on a superficial level, so-and-so is responsible for the way my life is right now, however, when analysed in depth, it can be seen that, I, in fact, am responsible for my own problems. Speaking of history, I wrote the worst paper 2 ever this morning.

Money pisses me off so much! I wish it didn't exist! 

I really want to go to London this summer. I don't know where I can live though because I'm still technically a child. 

Still looking for a host-family in Berlin. 

I have a thing for big cities.

Is it normal not to have something you're passionate about? I mean I feel like I don't want to dedicate my life to one thing only or study only one thing in great depth. Is that normal? Because everyone is telling me that it's not and that you have to have at least one thing you're professional in, but there's nothing I have a desire to be professional in. I'm not an artist. Nor am I a scientist. I don't know ughhhh.... Why do people have the need to pressurise me into deciding what I want to do in the future? 

It's kind of snowing

Finished "Kino's Journey". The last episode... Jeez!

!¡!SPOILER ALERT!¡!

________________________

Basically, in the last episode, Kino visits a wonderful country where people are very friendly. She finds it strange because the country has a bad reputation amongst travellers; the food is known to be bad and the travellers are not treated well by the citizens. After three days, Kino, as usual, leaves the country and is woken up by a volcano eruption. She observes the country being submerged under lava, but can do nothing to help. Kino opens the letters the citizens of the country gave her and discovers that they knew there was going to be an eruption, but none of them wanted to leave since it was their home. Instead, they decided to change their attitude towards travellers so that they could be remembered.

________________________

I wonder what my life would be like if I knew that I was going to die in a couple of days. I'd probably have a list of things I want to do and no longer be afraid of anything. But then I feel guilty for saying that because there's nothing stopping me from doing all these things at this moment now. 

Nah... Even if I were to die the next day, I still wouldn't do that Biology homework. 

Idek

So Monday is over. 

I guess people are most proud of things they've never really had before but were able to achieve. 

Like if I've never had friends, I'd be really proud of the friendly relations I have with my classmates. And if I've never had the best health, I'd be the most proud of not getting sick. If I was never able to achieve the highest grade, I'd be proud of acing a test. If I've never been in a successful relationship, the biggest thing I would be proud of is finding someone I love.

When I say "proud of", I sort of mean being so satisfied with myself to the extent of always talking about it (boasting almost). 

Don't know if that makes sense. 

Ugh whatever

High expectations?

Something that stood out to me today was the fact that there were Ukrainians on the same bus as me when I was on my way to badminton. There was a father and his two children who were speaking a mixture of Ukrainian and Russian and I found it slightly entertaining. I love it how I can sort of understand other Slavic languages without being able to speak them. Speaking of Slavs, my cousin has this festival at her school where each class has to represent some kind of Slavic nation. Her class is representing Ukraine. I wish we had that kind of stuff at my school. The closest thing we have to a festival is... Umm.... Exams

The hardest decision I have to make at the moment is whether I am going to take the Art IGCSE exam or not. I think I just have impossibly high expectations for myself. And that eventually leads to self-diappointment and, consequently, to self-hate. 

I started to wonder what it would be like if some of my classmates, including me, became political leaders in the future. I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face during a conference with, for example, Rosa. Just imagine trying to decide what to do with a certain country's future in some kind of treaty with one of your friends, constantly interrupting the conversation by yelling "uh sssanctions!!!" and laughing, falling off your chair, mumbling something incomprehensible about maths. But, on a serious note though, what would happen if a friend of mine became a nationalist dictator and I, being the glorious leader of a world superpower, had to stop them to save Europe's future? Okay I should stop... 

Good hair day

^ title says it all \(^3^)/

Got an A* in my History mock!!! An A frickin star! It made my day!

(Physics grades don't really matter...... Riiiiiiight......? TTATT) 

I wish I lived in the world of One Piece. That's a really weeboo thing to say, but, think it about! It would be so cool to find nakama and travel the world with no money required. I could just get a boat and leave it to luck.

Poketto no coin soreto you wanna be my friend

Dasha is the best person in the world ^_^ She's one of the few people who really understands me.

I wish I wasn't forced to know certain things and get involved in things I don't want to get involved in. 

13-year-old me thought that it's better to live by only following your feelings. I wish I don't turn into that kind of person ever again. 

I need people!

Sometimes I think that I'm becoming an extrovert. Kind of. I sometimes have this urge to be around people and talk and laugh and be social. I guess it's an age thing and not really the process of becoming extroverted. I think I still "gain energy" from being alone, like an introvert, but being around people has suddenly become more appealing than ever before. (Did that sentence make sense?)

The thing I fear the most is that this year is a lot like 7th grade. I have this urge to talk to people, but I have no one to talk to. I do have a few good friends who are always there for me, but I'm lonely. 

I'm lost.

I don't want to spend lunches alone in the library, read fat philosophy books and make notes about the mysterious human nature like I did in 7th grade. I don't want to create any sort of fantasy world and ignore reality and the people around me, overwhelmed with strange deep thoughts that I can not share with anyone. I want to meet new people, learn from them and, simply, have a different exciting life outside school.

Is anyone as desperate as me to hang out with people and just... talk?

I guess there are some people at my school who I'm interested in, but I can't approach them due to various things. Or maybe that's what I think and nothing really serious has happened between us.

After all, I'm being selfish. And weak. I can continue on my own. 

Going on a Zoro-like adventure!

Badminton was in a different place today so my mum gave me a map with instructions on how to get there. It was raining cats and dogs. While listening to, what I like to call, hipster music, I thought of this sketch:

Ah... The joys of physical maps.

I had this really strange thought today that I hate myself for. I thought of the things I would want to say to my classmates on the last day of school. 

I don't have anything useful to say

The music on my iPod deffinately suits the rainy weather. Here's a self-portrait ^_^

I can't wait till next year, but I don't want this year to end. 

I looked at my posts from last year and oh god... My photography skills were SHIT! Why did I even bother putting a watermark on my photos??? Ughhh I hate myself! I still used automatic mode back then! Disgraceful!!! I might as well take all of them down because they're so shit...

I wish I could go back in time and maybe act differently around certain people at school. It's not that I regret anything that I've done; I regret the things I haven't done. It's my last year of school (in terms of compulsory education), but feel like I haven't lived school life to the fullest. I understand that I still have 7-8 months of school left, but this year people act so differently because of exams. I really want to go to town with my classmates, but, firstly, I'm sick of seeing most of them and, secondly, half of them wouldn't go because they've already started revising. 

Okay I should stop being all "ugh I'm so old I regret this so much". I sound really ungrateful. 

I wonder how different school would be if it was socially acceptable to come up to any person and ask them out on a date.

He wants to ask me out on a date

Vasjok bought a slightly strange magazine called TOPmodel that is meant to be for girls her age. In other words, it's all about boys, celebrities and fashion. But mostly boys. I took a couple of quizzes and looked at horoscopes from that magazine and oh my... "He's too shy to ask you out". "He's being nice to you and is giving you hints ;)". "A boy in your class is ready to protect you". Vasjok and I had a good laugh. 

I think I wrote a pretty good History essay on Hitler's rise to power. I will publish it here once I get it back. 

I also wrote a nice article for my English class titled "does magic exist". I'm back to making fun of my English assignments! Gosh I can't believe it's already been a year since I left my old school.

Today I had an interview, more so a discussion, with someone from Futurewise. A-levels for the win! I'm not doing IB... Everything went quite well although it seemed a bit unusual how he was so interested in me. Normally, I prefer to listen to other people rather than to talk about my future and what I want to do. It was quite an experience. 

Yesterday it was the careers convention. I had a memorable discussion with Mark Butcher from WRS. He said that, quote, "Russia is evil". I can't figure out whether he was being very ignorant or if I just can't tolerate other people's opinions if they are different from mine. I got a WRS tshirt that I'm going to wear ironically. 

Speaking of tshirts, my family in Russia is going to get me one with Putin's face on it! Yay! 

Listening to "Dialogues for Jazz Combo" from Bernstein plays Brubeck plays. I hope these are the proper names unless my iPod's being weird. 

I want to write so much but I don't think I should. No one on the web cares about my thoughts anyway. Okay I will write for a bit more.

I'd love to go to Germany during the summer holidays to live in a host family. I was daydreaming about that, but then I got told off for not doing my Germany homework for the fourth time this term. I should really get my shit together.

Stayed up till almost 1 o'clock writing that History essay yesterday. I have to make up for the test I failed a few days ago. The forgotten feeling of caring so much for a test grade brought back memories of primary school... I do take school seriously, but I'm chill, I guess. Although I do act as if I'm stressed for something in front of my friends, who, I believe, find it entertaining, I never really worry about anything. Do I overuse commas? 

Okay I should shut up and go to bed now. I should, but I probably won't. Okay bye.

Does magic exist?

Today I was a bit annoyed at the fact that we have to write an English essay of 300 words titled "does magic exist". How do I turn the word "no" into 300 words? 

Went to town with two of my favourite people in the entire school. Donuts are the shit! 

I wonder what would happen if our whole class was stranded on a desert island like in "Cage of Eden" (yes, I am still obsessed with it). Who would be the leader of our group? Who would be the first one to die? Would I risk my life to save someone else's? Would anyone risk theirs to save me?

On my way home I realised that I never listen to my heart/emotions and always follow my logic. I'm glad that I'm slowly starting to become the person I want to be.

10 more views till 10000!!!

The title says it all! I don't really know why I care about the views like they're some sort of achievement.
I thought about the thing I posted yesterday all morning today and realised that I failed at making friends. (WikiHow, please come to my rescue!) But at lunch I forgot about everything and actually enjoyed myself, even though the people around me might not have noticed a change.
I keep on coming back to the book I read when I was ten and thinking about how the events that took place there are similar to those in my life. I remember in 6th Grade, especially during the first few days of school, I would compare my life and the story line of that book very often. It always played a huge role in my life.
Vasjok is loving her life in Middle School. I can't believe she's going to study French this year.
Speaking of French, in French class today we spoke about being proud of, what one could call, your motherland. To be honest, I can't even imagine how it is possible to come from a certain country and not be proud and supportive of it. Yes, I understand that it's quite a frequent thing nowadays, but I think that I will always be proud of my nationality no matter what.
This blog has become some sort of "book of Sonya's daily bullshit thoughts". Is anyone actually interested in reading that?
P.S. I hope this post doesn't contain any stupid mistakes because I'm lazy to proof read it.

Back to school yippee ka yay mother Russia!

I thought I posted something yesterday, but I forgot to save it. TT__TT

Firstly, I'd like to casually advertise my Instagram account and show off my new hair colour.

It doesn't look that bright in real life though.

Secondly... Yeah.... School started. Great! Very year 11. Much IGCSE. Wow. 

I actually thought that when I come back to school after the summer holidays I'm going to be very calm and chill and zen, but some people still piss me off. I was looking forward to seeing my friends, although one of them seems to completely ignore me. (That wasn't proper English grammar, was it?)I would get upset if I had feelings, but I didn't because I don't. 

A lot of people have said to me that I now have an English accent. I don't! Now Tinbite and Edna-chan make fun of me because, apparently, I sound really English. I went to England for the first time this summer (for only three weeks) and came back with an accent. Great. 

As I said, school wasn't too enjoyable today. We had to make flags to decorate the classroom and I drew the Soviet Union flag instead. 

I also gave my friends the souvenirs I got for them during the summer. Oliver loved the olive oil bottle I gave him. I should get him an olive tree for Christmas. I remembered the place where I got Charlie the old Albanian money from. It was a lovely flea market in Tiran. I wish I could come back and get that old camera or a red army badge. I remember I got that note for only €5 when it was supposed to cost me €15. I love Albania. 

We had an intense literature lesson today. I honestly had no idea what an Elizabethan sonnet was.

That wasn't such a descriptive post about the first day of school was it.

Reporting LIVE from Montenegro Airlines

Flying back to Switz. Summer is officially over now. My family members are probably wondering why I haven't texted them yet, but, the truth is, I could not open my phone and put the SIM card in. I hate having hyperhydrosis sometimes... -_-

The plane I'm flying on is really small. It only has two seats in one row of seats. And guess who they put on the seat next to me! A young mother with a baby! A baby!!! I thought that that annoying undeveloped piece of meat is going to start crying right next to me, but, before we took off, the plane personal suggested that the mother sits in another seat.   

They just brought me a sandwich. I'll continue later. For god's sake, just shut up! Stop crying!!!

Anyways.... I just had my "lunch" that consisted of a weird sandwich with either meat or cheese (couldn't tell which one). I managed to open my phone and put the SIM card in. I hope I didn't damage it because water was literally pouring out of my hands.

The baby that they placed behind me did not stop crying. I'm really sensitive to loud music and I normally listen to it with the lowest volume possible, but today I just out it on full volume. It's hurting my ears, but it's better than listening to some maggot wining.

I mean I'm a pretty chill person, to be honest. I don't know if it's the same, according to my friends. One of them thinks that I'm a quote: "crazy psycho killer". I'm glad I have that reputation at school. It's weird how almost all the people I know think of me in such different ways. The other day, I was skyping Jacky and Vasjok who were trying to tell me that astrology is a science. I guess we are somehow influenced by the stars and shit around us (I mean the moon does control water level or whatever), but astrology is a bit... I don't know. I have mixed feelings about it (although I don't have feelings). Anyway, Jacky and Vasjok were saying that your zodiac sign can tell others a lot about yourself. For example, the Chinese zodiac says that I'm a cat and, therefore, according to them, I'm "cuddly". Me? Cuddly? Like what??? In England, I already have the reputation of the "least cuddly person ever". So if the stars say that I'm a cat, I'm also supposed to piss everywhere and ruin your furniture. I like cats by the way. They're nyan. 

I wonder what other people think about me, apart from the fact that I'm a "cuddly crazy psycho killer who is not cuddly". 

My cousin Mitja finds me incredibly funny. 

Tinbite probably thinks that I'm a complete badass since I always brag to her about how I do not study for tests. 

The discipline officer from my old school probably remembers me as a troublesome rebel who has no manners and always talks back. 

A lot of the people who I met this summer must think that I'm a genius since I told them that I speak four languages and don't study in my mother tongue. 

I bet a lot of my family members think that I'm a happy optimist because that's how I often act around them. 

Mrs Walker probably sees me as someone with really poor poetry essay writing skills. 

Mr D... Oh god... I'm afraid to even picture how he sees me/Sssssasha. 

Roßa? She sees me as her best-ass friend who is a sociopath wannabe and who bought weird donut socks that probably look disgraceful. 

Nah... I think the term "crazy psycho killer" suits me the most. >:D

Last day in Year 10 and last exam

Today was quite eventful since it was my last day at school. Tomorrow I'm leaving to Montenegro (well actually to Serbia and then to Montenegro)!!!

We didn't do much at school today. During French we all went outside and imitated teachers in front of M Schneider. And we, obviously, debated the existence of god with Oliver. I didn't really get a chance to say a proper goodbye to anyone except those who do art.

After Art, Rosa and I took a tram to this language school where we had to do the DELF B1 exam. Our exams, coincidently, started at the same time. The exam went a lot better than I thought it would. Unlike Rosa's "examinatrices", mine weren't friendly and would not help me out if I forgot something or didn't quite know what to say. I walked in the examination room confident and presented myself, but I didn't do as well on the role play because I had no idea what to say. 

After the exam, Rosa and I waited for Oliver who did it right after us. All together we went to the lake, took a boat to the other side and had expensive ice cream. We made our way to the botanical gardens and tried to figure out how we suddenly became close friends. Rosa and I also ran through the fountains and got ourselves wet. 

On my way home I started thinking whether I have changed during this school year or if I have matured and came to the conclusion that I'm still the exact same person I was at the start of the year. Except now I don't have any feelings. And I can proudly say that I'm a communist. I realised that you can tell a lot about a person from their handwriting. For example, I would always look back on the notes I made at the start of the year and be like "wow, my handwriting used to be so different". And it is true because in the years before I changed so much during the school year. Nowadays, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between my handwriting at the start of the year and the end of the year because I haven't changed as much. I hope I won't change in Year 11 either. Only to become a stronger and an even more feelingless person.

In conclusion, it could be argued that blah blah pour rien dire, this year didn't go by as fast as my previous years of school. It went at a reasonable, steady speed. I wonder if I regret missing any opportunities. I guess I don't. There were a few moments that I think could've changed a small part of my life, but I'm glad I acted the way I did. 

Good night, minna!